Spiritual Journal of Mark

Dale Maxfield

     Lord, help me to see.  There are times in my life when I am blind to your gaze and to others.  Help me, like the song says: Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me; I once was lost but now am found; was blind but now I see.

     I am struck by the number of times in Mark’s Gospel that you gaze at people.  You gaze at us in love; in disappointment; in surprise.  Your gaze is penetrating.  Help me to have the ability to look back at you… to look into your kind eyes and see myself the way you see me.  Help me to take off the mask and be my real self.  Help me to be brave enough to be the man you are calling me to be.  Help me to follow you on this journey of faith for You are the Master and I am the disciple.  May I never be an obstacle to you or to any of my brothers.  Give me your help to be faithful to the journey day in and day out.

     Enable me to follow you even when the going gets tough.  For to follow you will mean that the road may lead to Jerusalem.  At those times in life, I pray that I will not deny that I know you or flee into selfishness and sin, but that I may take up my cross and follow you all the days of my life. 

     Lord I want to follow you but sometimes I don’t see others the way you see them.  Help me to be like you in that I can be a balanced person and remember that the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.  Help me to see the wisdom of your teachings. 

     Help me to long for the kingdom of God more than any material possession in my life.  Psalm 27 comes to mind: One thing I ask of the Lord, this I seek, to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.  May I dwell in the house of your holy Church today so that I may dwell in the house of your kingdom at the end of my life on earth. 

     The disciples seem to not understand so much of the time.  Even after two thousand years of reflections, there are times we just don’t get it.  You are the Christ; You are the Son of God; You are the Messiah.  May this not be just a head thing, but may it be the truth that is deep within my heart.

     Like the blind man, heal me of my faults.  Heal me of my blindness, of my deafness; of all those areas in my life that need your healing touch.

     I am humbled, Lord that you may be calling me to be a priest.  I take comfort in that the first men you called to your service were not perfect and had much to learn.   This gives me hope that we are called not to perfection but to faithfulness.  Help me to drop my nets of anything that may hinder me from following you immediately.  Again, it is humbling that you tell me that I didn’t choose you, but it is You who are choosing me.  You are calling me by name. 

     Many times you give us examples of how important prayer was in your life.  Help me to be a man of prayer and to pray the Office and at Mass and the prayer your taught us always. 

     In Mark’s Gospel we hear words that you pronounced.  Special words like “Abba”.  You teach us to call the Father, Abba, Papa.  You show us how intimate the Father wants to be with us and how much we are loved.   You also teach us to wait like the farmer waits for the right time to plant and the right time to harvest.  I am always in a hurry and spend so much time contemplating the future instead of being present in the here and now.

          Your poverty teaches me that a life of simplicity is what is needed to grow in relationship with you and the Church.  Help me to trust in You unconditionally.  Please give me the heart of a shepherd so that, God willing, someday I may be a good shepherd to the people entrusted to me.  Help me to be compassionate as you are compassionate.

     Like Bartimaeus, may I jump up and throw aside the cloak of anything that is keeping me from You.